Narcotics, Fleets, and Insidious Global Ideas
by ScribblinDaydreamer
Summary: Also known as Crack, Ships, and World Domination. A strange parody of a crime thriller. Romerica, Prucan, Gerita and more. Full summary inside.


CH. 1

Full Summary: Feliciano and Romano are in organized crime, and are being tracked by Ludwig and Gilbert, two German investigators. The Italy brothers steal from Alfred and Matthew, who have been framed by Ivan and Natalya, who are being supported by Yao and Mei in their plans for world domination. Vash and his sister Lilli are skilled information brokers.

'Wha-What's going on?' Alfred asks with sleepy confusion. He stands in the doorway in his pyjamas, gazing through his glasses at the unfamiliar brunet pointing a gun at him with a dangerous look.

'Feli?' the brunet calls to his accomplice, ignoring Alfred's question, although he keeps his sharp, hazel eyes focused on the dishevelled blonde.

Another man rounds the corner with a small briefcase that Alfred recognizes, however he's distracted by something else he notices.

'Woah, hey, there's two of you!' the American says excitedly, looking back and forth between the two brothers.

'Idiot,' mutters the one wielding the gun. 'Feli, how many are there?'

Feli, who Alfred now notices is shorter and somewhat more childlike than his possible twin, sets down the briefcase and clicks it open. '…nove…dieci… undici. Romano, sei sono-' [nine…ten…eleven. Romano, six are-]

'Undici?' [Eleven?] Romano replies in fast Italian. 'Vash detto diciasette!' [Vash said seventeen!]

Feliciano shrugs helplessly.

'Che un bastardo,' [That bastard.] Romano curses. He steps up to Alfred, pressing the end of his gun in between the American's eyes. 'Where are the other six?'

'Huh?' Alfred replies brilliantly, going cross eyed to look at the gun. He seems more puzzled than scared.

Romano pushes him back using his gun, quickly becoming impatient. 'Where are the other six vials? My sources said there are seventeen. SO WHERE ARE THE OTHER SIX?'

'Dude, I don't even know what you're talking about!' Alfred denies. 'Those are my brother's! He said he bought them off some chick and said it was an ultimate pancake-making kitchen set.'

Romano glares. 'And where is your brother right now?'

'He's at a hockey game,' the blonde answers easily.

'Does that look like cooking utensils to you?' Romano growls, gesturing to where Feliciano is standing and holding a vial of luminous liquid.

'Ummm, no?' Alfred answers a little unsurely.

'You're useless,' Romano concludes. 'Feliciano, take what you have and get out of here. The rest is not our concern. I'll handle things here and we'll rendezvous at Point B.'

'Alright, ciao!' Feliciano says cheerfully, making a quick escape.

'Wait, what are you going to do with that stuff?' Alfred asks curiously.

'Sell it to the highest bidder,' Romano replies with a twisted grin.

The tired blonde seems to bring his focus back to the gun. 'Are you gonna kill me?'

'I'm considering it,' the Italian seems to be unsure for a second.

Alfred takes advantage of his indecisiveness and snatches the gun, using the butt to swiftly strike Romano in the head, knocking him down.

Romano curses, quickly rolling over, but Alfred is already there, pinning him to the floor and looking at him down the barrel of a massive hunting rifle. The Italian swallows nervously, eyes wide.

Alfred gives him a friendly smile. 'Now, I'm gonna let you go, but don't you even consider killin' me, okay?'

Romano nods slowly in shock and Alfred grins, standing up and lowering the rifle.

The Italian immediately springs up and leaps out the window, hitting the ground below with an almost silent, although painful, thud. As he rolls forward into a running position, he hears Alfred call out.

'Hey! You forgot this!' the blonde tosses Romano's pistol out the window after him.

Romano spins around and catches it, before taking off into the night. 'What an idiot…'

-page break-

Ludwig sighs in frustration. 'So, you're saying… you hired two private investigators because someone stole a set of cooking utensils from you?'

Gilbert smirks as their blonde client blushes, also becoming frustrated.

'It wasn't actually a cooking set!' Matthew protests in a quiet tone. 'I thought it was, but my brother said when he was held at gunpoint, the offender's accomplice opened the case and there were containers of some kind of liquid. It could be some kind of bio-weapon!'

'Now it's getting interesting,' Gilbert says, leaning forward in his seat, sensing the beginning of a new hunt.

Ludwig nods, not quite convinced. 'Where is your brother now?'

'At a football game,' Matthew replies.

Ludwig whips out a small notepad and a pen. 'Can you describe the offenders?'

'Yes, my brother told me about them,' the Canadian offers. 'He said they were Italian, both male, possibly twins, but he said it was hard to tell because it was dark. The one who pointed the gun at him hard dark brown hair and hazel eyes, the other had red-brown hair and possibly yellow or amber eyes, Alfred's not sure, he says the guy had his eyes closed a lot for some reason.'

Ludwig glances at his brother, clicking his pen. 'Do you think…?'

'Sounds like the Vargas brothers,' Gilbert nods. 'Those two ruthless bastards. How did your brother escape them?'

Matthew blinks at the unfamiliar name. 'Um, well, he said one left, and then he threatened the other one with a hunting rifle and the guy jumped out the window and ran away.'

'This is the second storey,' Ludwig remarks, raising an eyebrow.

Matthew shrugs helplessly.

'Who sold you the… product?' Ludwig asks, moving on.

'I don't know,' Matthew answers. 'It was advertised on a flyer delivered to our mailbox. I called the number and a woman sold me the product. She had an accent… Russian, I think.'

Ludwig nods before putting his notepad away. 'Alright, that's all for now. We'd also like to ask your brother a few questions, so please give us a call when he is free.'

Matthew tugs his wavy hair anxiously. 'Let me show you out.'

-page break-

Ivan strolls into the lab, his long, white lab coat making him appear even taller than he already is. A scarf wrapped warmly around his neck, although the room is heated, he heads towards the experiment area.

'Ah, Natalya, how are they doing?' he asks his sister.

Natalya brightens immediately at his presence, spinning around quickly with a swish of long, platinum hair.

'Brilliantly,' she replies, gesturing at the sunflowers in the contamination room. 'The serum has proven to be effective on animals as well as humans. I have already sent eleven of our seventeen existing samples to North America. Anyone who comes into contact with the spores in the gas produced by the serum coming in contact with oxygen will be immediately and irreversibly infected.'

'Good girl,' Ivan praises her with a smile. 'Soon, the entire world will be infected. Only we have the vaccine in us. Every human and creature shall become sunflowers, and we will have the world!'

He giggles childishly, giving Natalya a pat. 'Carry on, sister; see if there are any species immune to our development.' He exits the room, humming happily.

Natalya's expression darkens as she turns back to her work, her blue eyes growing ice cold. 'And when there is no one else in the world but us, you will have no choice but to love me.'

-page break-

Dun dun DUNNN. Yeah, that's all for now. I may or may not continue this childish parody of a crime thriller. Adios for now, the Scribblin Daydreamer.


End file.
